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Dagonian
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Posted: 21 May, 2009
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Joined: 16 Mar, 2008 Posts: 295 Location: Japan
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Definitely some descriptions in there! I particularly like how Leython and Eric are described as two different types of commanders. One who´s more methodical, and the other a full-on rusher. Battle descriptions could use some refinements, but since it´s only a simulator battle it doesn´t matter too much.
Point of advice, try to put in a bit of variety when referring to the same units (or people) several times here and there.
Example:
Quote: He still had lobos around, which continued shelling the enemy tanks, which didn’t stop moving. The lobos superior range took them out of commission, making the enemy’s main force fail in its movement. Could be more like: He still had lobos around. The mobile light artillery units continued shelling the enemy tanks, which didn't stop moving and were bombarded by fragmentation artillery. It wasn't long before the enemy's main force had been halted in it's advancement. That also took out two 'Which' in the same sentence. Using words like 'which' several times in the same sentence can make it a little less easy on the eyes. A hint would be to take a look at the SupCom wiki http://supcom.wikia.com/wiki/Main_PageThe units descriptions usually have the weapon names in them as well, like the lobo's 'fragmentation artillery'. Using those weapons, instead of saying 'unit something fired it's weapon', every now and then can add a bit of variety. Also, Quote: Oh, LOL, Dagonian, you are from Holland as well?
Yup
_________________ SupCom Fanfiction Index Survival of the fittest (latest chapter)
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Plasma_Wolf
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Posted: 21 May, 2009
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Joined: 08 Sep, 2007 Posts: 6497 Location: In an RTD!!!
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Ok, thanks for the advice 
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Plasma_Wolf
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Posted: 23 May, 2009
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Joined: 08 Sep, 2007 Posts: 6497 Location: In an RTD!!!
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Now, chapter 3 (challenges) is up.
Clarke vs a noob!
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splattedone
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Posted: 23 May, 2009
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Joined: 07 Oct, 2008 Posts: 4710 Location: Cincinnati, Ohio, USA, North America, Earth, Milky Way Galaxy
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It's good. Thanks for writing these.
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ShamusZ3R0 wrote: £5 says Splatted could beat you in 5 minutes. :p
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Plasma_Wolf
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Posted: 23 May, 2009
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Joined: 08 Sep, 2007 Posts: 6497 Location: In an RTD!!!
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Thanks for the support
I got to remember updating the thread title though.
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johnmyates
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Posted: 23 May, 2009
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Joined: 04 Jun, 2007 Posts: 1111 Location: N 29° 24' 53.04" W 90° 17' 50.74"
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Nicely done. You're getting better rapidly. Keep up the good work.
Marc
_________________ In the night, when the wind dies and silence rules, I remember. And they all live again.

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Dagonian
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Posted: 26 May, 2009
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Joined: 16 Mar, 2008 Posts: 295 Location: Japan
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patton5219
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Posted: 26 May, 2009
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Joined: 02 Apr, 2007 Posts: 1041
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Plasma_Wolf wrote: Now, chapter 3 (challenges) is up. Clarke vs a noob!
each chapter is getting better, and in addition i like the bold yellow chapter titles, it makes finding the new stuff alot easier
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Plasma_Wolf
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Posted: 27 May, 2009
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Joined: 08 Sep, 2007 Posts: 6497 Location: In an RTD!!!
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Once again, thanks for the support!
I'll upload chapter 4 shortly, but I think I'll need some time with chapter 5, I don't really know how to start that one. So be patient by then.
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Plasma_Wolf
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Posted: 29 May, 2009
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Joined: 08 Sep, 2007 Posts: 6497 Location: In an RTD!!!
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Chapter 4, A new contest is uploaded, enjoy!
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splattedone
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Posted: 29 May, 2009
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Joined: 07 Oct, 2008 Posts: 4710 Location: Cincinnati, Ohio, USA, North America, Earth, Milky Way Galaxy
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Thank you.
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ShamusZ3R0 wrote: £5 says Splatted could beat you in 5 minutes. :p
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johnmyates
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Posted: 29 May, 2009
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Joined: 04 Jun, 2007 Posts: 1111 Location: N 29° 24' 53.04" W 90° 17' 50.74"
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Nice development. Keep 'em coming.
Marc
_________________ In the night, when the wind dies and silence rules, I remember. And they all live again.

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Plasma_Wolf
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Posted: 01 Jun, 2009
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Joined: 08 Sep, 2007 Posts: 6497 Location: In an RTD!!!
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A small update on the next chapter: it's going to take some time. I'm having my last final exam tomorrow, Wednesday I'm busy working and having a party in the evening/night.
I don't know what I'm going to do Thursday, so I'll finish it by then if possible, if not, I'm sorry to keep you waiting.
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Plasma_Wolf
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Posted: 07 Jun, 2009
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Joined: 08 Sep, 2007 Posts: 6497 Location: In an RTD!!!
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Finally, chapter 5 is up. It is a bit shorter than the previous ones, though. I do not have very much to add to this part, so I'll be moving on to the next one (spoiler), in this one, we are at the real action, the sixth group of Stirling are commanders then.
One extra note: the url (subtitle) I gave should give you an idea in which way I thought while writing this chapter. I think I'll add an url to each chapter now...
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johnmyates
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Posted: 07 Jun, 2009
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Joined: 04 Jun, 2007 Posts: 1111 Location: N 29° 24' 53.04" W 90° 17' 50.74"
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Not bad at all. The students are making progress in their efforts to become full fledged commanders.
Keep up the good work.
Marc
_________________ In the night, when the wind dies and silence rules, I remember. And they all live again.

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splattedone
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Posted: 09 Jun, 2009
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Joined: 07 Oct, 2008 Posts: 4710 Location: Cincinnati, Ohio, USA, North America, Earth, Milky Way Galaxy
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How'd I miss this? I've been trying to follow this story...
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ShamusZ3R0 wrote: £5 says Splatted could beat you in 5 minutes. :p
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Plasma_Wolf
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Posted: 09 Jun, 2009
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Joined: 08 Sep, 2007 Posts: 6497 Location: In an RTD!!!
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splattedone wrote: How'd I miss this? I've been trying to follow this story...
Sometimes the topic reply notification stops because you did not login after you clicked the link. It can also be that you visited this thread twice while logged in, then it might stop notifying you of a reply as well.
I'm having that issue with dotswarlock's 10th book at the moment, but he always updates on friday, once every week, so I know about it, and I get in that thread every day anyway.
If you just check this thread on friday too, you'll be fine I think.
Note however: I'll start with part 2 after I have written the Battle of Seton's Clutch.
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Plasma_Wolf
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Posted: 12 Jun, 2009
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Joined: 08 Sep, 2007 Posts: 6497 Location: In an RTD!!!
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I have uploaded "Chapter 6: Endgame" now. This part is complete. I'll start on part two tomorrow or the day after tomorrow.
I think I'll also create a cover for this part, but I'll see how much time I've got left first.
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johnmyates
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Posted: 12 Jun, 2009
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Joined: 04 Jun, 2007 Posts: 1111 Location: N 29° 24' 53.04" W 90° 17' 50.74"
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Nice ending to this section. Good detail on the battle. It will be interesting to see where the next section takes us.
Keep up the good work,
Marc
_________________ In the night, when the wind dies and silence rules, I remember. And they all live again.

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splattedone
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Posted: 12 Jun, 2009
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Joined: 07 Oct, 2008 Posts: 4710 Location: Cincinnati, Ohio, USA, North America, Earth, Milky Way Galaxy
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I liked the final section quite a bit. Was Funky's "awesomness"* because our Funky is awesome  ?
* Quote: “Well, because I am awesome!” He answered.
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ShamusZ3R0 wrote: £5 says Splatted could beat you in 5 minutes. :p
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Plasma_Wolf
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Posted: 12 Jun, 2009
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Joined: 08 Sep, 2007 Posts: 6497 Location: In an RTD!!!
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splattedone wrote: I liked the final section quite a bit. Was Funky's "awesomness"* because our Funky is awesome  ? * Quote: “Well, because I am awesome!” He answered.
That's why I chose to call this guy "Funky" 
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Dagonian
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Posted: 13 Jun, 2009
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Joined: 16 Mar, 2008 Posts: 295 Location: Japan
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