Book 11: The Kidimer Incident (22 chapters, 09-01-2010)

Plasma_Wolf

Valiran wrote:

Mooilo wrote:

He didn't damn himself; a ton of people are going to think he's a hero. He'll be severely punished by the UEF, but the citizens will love him.

What about all the horrific things he's done over the years? Redfog is a man who will do whatever is necessary to achieve a noble goal. If that means damning himself for all eternity, he'd do it in a heartbeat.

1) Mooilo was talking about Alexander Kidimer instead of Redfog I think.
2) Redfog wouldn't do whatever is necessary to achieve a noble goal, but to achieve something for personal gain in the first place. He doesn't really care about being noble. You've got the thing about damning himself for all eternity correct just because of that.

Legolan

Err, wasn't Kidimer killed? I mean, he won't be getting punished by anyone; he's dead (I presume).

johnmyates

The story just said he'd been "neutralized". That can have a few meanings. He might have survived.

Marc

scotchtape622 · **Joined:** 15 Mar, 2007 **Posts:** 4756

Quote:

“One of the guards just shot the Seraphim! He’s been neutralized, but the prisoner is dead!”

But would probably indicate that Kidimer is alive.

Quote:

General Desjar had to wait for several seconds before finally shaking off his own lethargy: “Have him escorted to cell block D and inform the President that an incident has occurred.”

I think that is referring to Kidmer.

Legolan

Ok, gotcha. Thanks for the clarification.

patton5219 · **Joined:** 02 Apr, 2007 **Posts:** 1041

sunday chapter??

scotchtape622 · **Joined:** 15 Mar, 2007 **Posts:** 4756

It's over...

dotswarlock · **Joined:** 17 Feb, 2007 **Posts:** 1778

I'm working on the next chapter at the moment, but I still have a lot of work to do. No ETA just yet.

scotchtape622 · **Joined:** 15 Mar, 2007 **Posts:** 4756

It's not over? Epilogue?

patton5219 · **Joined:** 02 Apr, 2007 **Posts:** 1041

scotchtape622 wrote:

It's not over? Epilogue?

HAHA I KNEW IT!!!

scotchtape622 · **Joined:** 15 Mar, 2007 **Posts:** 4756

lol, I just got owned

dotswarlock · **Joined:** 17 Feb, 2007 **Posts:** 1778

No epilogue just yet. There is a "small story" that I wanted to fit in somewhere and I want to do it before I end this book

scotchtape622 · **Joined:** 15 Mar, 2007 **Posts:** 4756

Alright, sweet! Can't wait! Actually I can, because the Ravens vs. Raiders game just started

Lamordeyni · **Joined:** 30 Nov, 2009 **Posts:** 38 **Location:** Sweden

you people thought it was over?

Anyway Im really looking forward the next chapter!

(Does F5-button exist on PS3?)

dotswarlock · **Joined:** 17 Feb, 2007 **Posts:** 1778

Chapter 21 A Hasty Farewell is now online!

I'm not sure that everyone will grasp Melissa's words and make the parallel between them and what was posted while the story was being written. Let’s see if anyone will catch on.

BulletMagnet

woot. first.

[EDIT:] muahaha. deceptively simple.

johnmyates

Nice chapter dots. I'm sure there's a bit more, but things are wrapping up nicely. Glad to see Bagby's going to make an appearance. In style, no less.

Thanks and see you next week,

Marc

Plasma_Wolf

dotswarlock wrote:

I'm not sure that everyone will grasp Melissa's words and make the parallel between them and what was posted while the story was being written. Let’s see if anyone will catch on.

Damn, now I have to read it all over again

Two minor things:

Quote:

Melissa looked in surprise at the Illuminate pilot who only smiled back reassuringly: “Refusing to acknowledge our emotions do not make us better pilots; it only makes us less human. I… understand that now”

Needs a dot at the end, (now.")

Quote:

There was a long pause as Melissa did her best to put her thoughts into words. She finally shook her head and sighed: “I think we failed.

Needs the " at the end.

Commander Bob

Quote:

The possibility for payback was so tempting that Bagby decided that stepping out of his quantum field for a day might very well be worth it: “Fine, I’ll be there.”

lol! I was laughing even as I read that, heh at the evil plans he'll have in mind.

Nice ending chapter dots, cleared a few things up. I still don't fully understand the assumpta's motives but meh no-one ever does, things changed a lot with new Redfog anyways.

Interesting how the Sephy death has caused shiat from all sides, the UEF are in a very bad position now, not much they can do tbh.

EkarN · **Joined:** 19 Oct, 2009 **Posts:** 48 **Location:** Sweden

Good chapter!

Lord of Nothing

Interesting.

Some corrections:

“That is unimportant for now,” said Thalia a trace of sadness slipping into her voice. The Crusader shook her head to clear it and smiled again: “But know that it is in no way related to any of you or the pilot exchange program. Please gather your belongings. You will be returning home within the hour.”

The two UEF pilots then underwent a full medical exam before being cleared to circulate back to the core worlds. It was during that time that the two of them learned of what was now commonly called the Kidimer Incident.

It was close to midnight by the time that Melissa finally made her way to HQ, and even then people were still hard at work. Dark circles underlined her father’s eyes, but he still smiled the moment he saw her.

You might want to move the comma from after then to after HQ, but that's just my opinion.

Desjar nodded as he sat down next to his daughter: “You can’t take peace for granted. It takes a lot of efforts to end a war… and it takes the same amount to maintain peace.”

The s should probably go.

dotswarlock · **Joined:** 17 Feb, 2007 **Posts:** 1778

Plasma_Wolf wrote:

dotswarlock wrote:

I'm not sure that everyone will grasp Melissa's words and make the parallel between them and what was posted while the story was being written. Let’s see if anyone will catch on.

Damn, now I have to read it all over again

Two minor things:

Quote:

Melissa looked in surprise at the Illuminate pilot who only smiled back reassuringly: “Refusing to acknowledge our emotions do not make us better pilots; it only makes us less human. I… understand that now”

Needs a dot at the end, (now.")

Quote:

There was a long pause as Melissa did her best to put her thoughts into words. She finally shook her head and sighed: “I think we failed.

Needs the " at the end.

Fixed, thanks!

dotswarlock · **Joined:** 17 Feb, 2007 **Posts:** 1778

Lord of Nothing wrote:

Interesting.

Some corrections:

“That is unimportant for now,” said Thalia a trace of sadness slipping into her voice. The Crusader shook her head to clear it and smiled again: “But know that it is in no way related to any of you or the pilot exchange program. Please gather your belongings. You will be returning home within the hour.”

The two UEF pilots then underwent a full medical exam before being cleared to circulate back to the core worlds. It was during that time that the two of them learned of what was now commonly called the Kidimer Incident.

It was close to midnight by the time that Melissa finally made her way to HQ, and even then people were still hard at work. Dark circles underlined her father’s eyes, but he still smiled the moment he saw her.

You might want to move the comma from after then to after HQ, but that's just my opinion.

Desjar nodded as he sat down next to his daughter: “You can’t take peace for granted. It takes a lot of efforts to end a war… and it takes the same amount to maintain peace.”

The s should probably go.

Fixed, although I left the comma at the same spot. Thanks a lot!

CommanderDude

I haven't posted here in a while... alas...

Congrats on the biggest book so far, it is as fun to read as always.

Do you have another book in mind?

dotswarlock · **Joined:** 17 Feb, 2007 **Posts:** 1778

CommanderDude wrote:

I haven't posted here in a while... alas...

Congrats on the biggest book so far, it is as fun to read as always.

Do you have another book in mind?

Not to alarm anyone, but I have not made up my mind just yet. Book 11 is like the prequel to Supreme Commander 2 with me tying up all the little loose ends, setting up characters in advance and introducing a generic “tension” element that can be used later.

You’ll notice that I avoided killing all the other remaining Seraphim, the Order and QAI because I have no idea whether they’ll be used in the next game or not and if so, how. Not knowing what’s coming is exciting, but it also limits my options continuity wise.

So I’m not sure what I can or should do. I’m considering either a short story to pass the time (maybe revisiting a past element or a character’s history) or maybe taking the time to completely review all previous books. Like it or not, book 1 is kind of like the “opening” one and well… let’s just say my writing has improved since then and it could use a tune up

So at any rate, my answer is: I’m not sure :shock:

(Feel free to throw suggestions though such as past characters which were interesting and such)

Book 11: The Kidimer Incident (22 chapters, 09-01-2010)

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